How is it that everything in my life should be so simple, and yet its so complicated? I really think that Josh and I need to take time apart, but everytime I want to bring it up I get to nervous because I feel like he won’t come back. Grandma is in the hospital because they found a poison in her blood yet for some reason can’t tell us what the poison is. In january she had to have a colonoscapy or however you spell it and a blood transfusion ( where they think the poison came from ) and she was suppose to be schedualed for a reversal next week but yesterday the nurse came and drew blood from a port of I.V’s they left in. and it was thick. And today when the cultures came back in they said she needed to imidiatly admitt herself into the E.R. I was flushing the port each day and administering the medicene through there as well. somehow I feel like this is my fault even though I know it couldn’t be. Anyways that and the stress of Bently who has been very cranky latley because of teething is causing alot of strain on Mine and Joshs relationship. I don’t know what to do anymnore and on top of all that when taxes came in for me and Josh my grandpa MADE us give him 1400 and said he would graduly give it back to us to help us save it but now after buying the car we are out of money and grandpa is saying that its his money now. and with niether of us having jobs I feel like im failing as a mother, and as a wife. I just feel overwhelmed and It has brought back a lot of bad habits.

I feel like I’m stuck, Like nothings happening like my life is going no where. I’m depressed and i could tell everyone in my house and at this point it seems like no one would care!

I was just sitting here with Josh watching a movie, and I realized how blessed we are to have each other and Bently. One of my close friends just had a baby and the father of her isn’t really involved and I use to think man she’s independent and doesn’t have to deal with the arguments Josh and I do. But when I look at the big picture I couldn’t imagine doing it without him. I now see she is way stronger then I am in every way. I always knew she was the best friend I ever had, and now I see she’s the best Mother that child could have had.

Thank You!

I just realized how many of you liked my post about my Grandma kicking me out. It really makes me feel good that people are actually reading my posts and responding in messages to me!

My little man has been having a lot of sleeping issues. I think its because he’s teething but I’m not sure. He woke up last night at 3 and didn’t want to go back to bed until like 6. He’s in his swing right now sleeping but every time I move him he wakes up. I guess I’m going to try again WISH ME LUCK!

Back home from Virginia FINALLY, I missed it here a lot. I guess it doesn’t matter where I go if I’m away from my family it just can’t be home!

So my grandma kicked me, Josh, and Bently out because Josh got laid off and couldn’t pay rent anymore. We had to stay at his brothers for one day and then I ended up having to call my mom because we didn’t have anywhere else to go. So we have been down here since Tuesday morning and we were married Tuesday Night! We seem to be getting along a lot better. I just hope it stays this way!

I think tomorrow I’m going to try starting a diet, I hate this baby fat left over from having Bently so why not start trying to loose it! Does anyone have any diet tips?

This past week has been hell for mine and Josh’s relationship. First when we were at his brothers, he got mad that I had asked him to watch Bently and told me it was over, and even went as far as to say “I can get another girlfriend just as fast as I dropped you”. Then the other night he went to buy cigarettes from the store and took and hour and a half, which wouldn’t have been suspicious except I can see the gas station from our back porch. It wasn’t even that I thought he was cheating it was just annoying he didn’t mention he was going t stop somewhere else. And to top it all off, we weren’t having a great day to start with. This morning we went to cash advance and he didn’t bring the pay stub so he blamed me and said I wasted his gas. Then I drove him to the hospital because he said he had a toothache and when we were heading home he asked me to drive because he was getting sick. It started out fine but then he started yelling at me because the car is messed up going up a hill and even though I had it floored it wasn’t moving.  tonight he was taking Bently out to the living room to put him in his swing and said to him “I seriously hate your fucking mom I hope you know that”. I love Josh with all my heart and for Bently’s sake I hope one day we can make it work but It probably won’t any time soon.

Josh and I had a long talk, it looks like we are going to try to work things out and I’m really relieved. I want things between us to go back to the way it was, when we first met. Bently is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I don’t want him growing up without a Dad me and Josh have both went through that, and one thing we agree on is that we don’t want that for Bently.

I guess I’ve never really stopped to think about the huge age difference when it comes to Josh and I.